The conversation he never had... (2)

The phone blinked for the 6th time now. I picked it up.
"What's wrong with you ?" - said the concerned voice on the other end.
"Nothing, I was busy" - I protested.
I have been trying hard not to think about her for a few months now.
"I know you very well. What is that's bothering you ?" - she enquired.
"Nothing" - trying my best to act as aloof as possible.
"Fine, be murky. What are you doing on April 15th ?"
"I don't know. I don't plan my day 6 months in advance."
"I'm getting married !....
Hello ?
No comments ?
Are you there ?"

I was there. But I was unable to think or speak, for that matter.
"Helllloooo ?"
"Yes, It's good. I mean Congrats, great news" - and I kept the phone down.

I couldn't speak anything sensible. I couldn't even comprehend what was happening.
She called again. And again.
I am incapable of handling situations like this. I'm always at a loss of words.
She was my friend.
I was supposed to be happy. For her.
But I was sad. Was it because she was more than a friend ?
How could I be happy knowing she could never be mine ?

तुम

बिछ्रने का वो गम,

जुदाई का वो दर्द,

क्या यह सिर्फ एक एहसास है,

या फिर प्यार का इज़हार है...

तुम नहीं होते तो ऐसा होता,

तुम नहीं होते तो वैसा होता,

ज़िन्दगी जो है यह मेरी, ना जाने,

तुम्हारे बिना कैसे पूरा होता...

मुलाकात हुई है हमारी जबसे,

बेचैनी सी है दिल में तबसे,

किसी रोज़ सोचा न था ऐसे,

बेक़रार रहूँगा मिलने के लिए तुमसे |

Miles to go...

Eyes with dreams,

Heart with hope,

I pack my bags,

And walk the road.

Struggle is long,

Night is on,

I walk alone,

And sing the song.

Nights to go,

Days to conquer,

Among the free spirits,

And here I wander.

The day will come,
And the rain will go,
Stay with me, Oh lovely,
We have miles to go...

The conversation he never had... (1)

It was a common friend's wedding. He greeted her with his usual smile. But there was pain in those eyes. He was seeing her after 2 years. And hardly a word came out.
He was lost: in her eyes - which spoke a thousand words, in her smile - which held his heart, in her arms - inviting for that hug... He looked like a confused kid who cannot contain his excitement in a toy store.

He held her hand shyly and took her away from the madness inside. There was so much to say, so much to do.. All he could manage was to look into her eyes. The same eyes he fell in love with, 4 years back.

He met her at a friend's place for the first time. They had a chemistry, everyone said. Although they interacted very less but they filled that gap in each other's lives. Maybe the pizza and the swing, on the last day of his trip, bonded the two souls. Few phone calls and trips later, it seemed to be a matter of time before one popped the question.
The only thing constant in life is change. She got a job offer which was tough to refuse. Long hours at work, frequent tours and the zeal to succeed created a space, tough to imagine. Frequent calls gave way to weekly sms, visits stopped completely. He tried getting engrossed in work, which didn't help either. Calls ended up as missed calls. Ego also pitched in.

And here he was, after 2 long years, with her. He was not going to let her go this time. He tightened his hold. A sense of belonging gripped him. She looked a lot more composed. May be girls do mature early. However, the pain in her eyes was pretty evident. She carried the burden long enough not to suffer from the effects.
Time flies when you are in the right company. An hour passed by, and the eavesdroppers gave up the hope of hearing anything. The heaviness in his heart seemed to ease a bit, but still far from the normal weight.
He wanted to open his heart, to take her into his arms but the surroundings didn't help much. Too much noise and too many people. The peace was missing. Expecting Indian marriages to be calm and without the craziness, well, is not an Indian marriage.

Fille !

Alphabet Tag

Thanks to CH4, I'm back to my blog!

You've been tagged Miss S, and here goes my list -

A
- Available: Yes.
- Annoyance: Auto drivers.
- Animals: In Zoo.
- Age: 18 Til I Die!

B
- Beer: Chilled.
- Birthday/Birthplace: 2^nd July/ Ranchi.
- Best feeling in the world: 'I love you'!
- Body part on opposite sex: Dimples.
- Best weather: Cloudy.
- Been in Love: Always.
- Been on stage? : Quite a few times.
- Believe in yourself? : Yes.
- Believe in life on other planets: The truth is out there.
- Believe in miracles: Of course.
- Believe in God: Undoubtedly.
- Book: Five Point Someone by Chetan Bhagat.

C
- Car: BMW Z4 Roadster.
- Candy: Dark chocolate.
- Cocktail: Vodka & Cranberry juice.
- Color: Blue.
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate.
- Country to visit: Brazil (2014.. Here I Come).
- Coke/Pepsi: Coke.
- Character: Joey.

D
- Day or Night: Night.
- Danced: Salsa.
- Dance in the rain? : Love it.
- Dating is: Pleasurable, only without emotions.

E
- Eggs: Anytime, Anywhere.
- Eyes: Can never lie.
- Everyone: Gets one life changing opportunity.

F
- First crush: the girl next seat.
- First thoughts waking up: I just slept!
- Food: Choosy.
- Fruit: Mangoes

G
- Greatest Fear: Helplessness.
- Giver or taker: Giver.
- Goals: Something to look forward to.
- Get along with your parents? : I try my best not to get throw out.

H
- Hair Color: Black.
- Height: Could have done with a couple of inches more.
- Happy/Moody: Moody.
- How do you want to die: In my sleep.
- Health freak? : Good One.
- Hate: Not worth your time.

I
- Ice Cream: Pecan Butter - London Dairy.
- Instrument: Guitar.

J
- Joey: Liveliest character.
- Job: To pay for my extravaganzas.

K
- Kids: Some day.
- Kissing: Awesome.
- Kickboxing or karate: Kickboxing.
- Keep a journal? : Blog.

L
- Love: Must.
- Laughed so hard you cried: FRIENDS.
- Love at first sight: Every other day.

M
- Marriage: Hmm.
- Motion sickness?: WTF!
- Music: According to mood.
- Movie: Should be attention grabbing.
- Meat: Chicken.

N
- Number of Siblings: None.
- Number of Piercings: None.
- Nose: One.

O
- One wish: World Peace.
- Obsession: Gadgets.
- Opinion: On Everything.


P
- Place you'd like to live: Marine Drive, Bombay.
- Position: All-rounder.

Q
- Questionnaires: Better be interesting.

R
- Reason to cry: Ross & Rachel reunited in the tenth season of FRIENDS.
- Reality T.V.: Crap.
- Revenge: Purest form of emotion.

S
- Song: Summer of ’69.
- Shoe size: 9
- Slept outside: On the road ?
- Smoked? : What?
- Shower daily? : Must.
- Sing well? : Bathroom Singer.
- Swear? : Way of life.
- Stuffed Animals? : Nice.
- Single/Group dates: Moonlit dinner for two.
- Scientists need to invent: A time machine.
- Stuck in the middle: Without You.
- Sleep: Anytime.

T
- Time for bed: Anytime.
- Thunderstorms: Cool.
- TV: Boring.

U
- Unpredictable: Oh Yes!

V
- Vegetable you hate: Quite a few.
- Vegetable you love: Onions.
- Vacation spot: Beaches.
- Valentine's day: Just another day.

W
- Weakness: T-Shirts.
- When you grow up: Start a Cafe.
- Worst feeling: Helplessness.
- Where do we go when we die? : To a better place.
- Worst weather: Damp.

X
- X-Rays: Good Innovation.

Y
- Year it is now: 2011
- Yellow: Too bright.

Z
- Zoo animal: Elephant
- Zodiac sign: Cancer.

A Night to Remember !!!

Palace Grounds, B'lore : 13-Feb-2011

Babes...

She is one of her kind.

Not like the ones we meet every day at every corner. There is something different about her.

Her attitude, her character, her wit, her smiles, her 'lol's', her intelligence, her 'being-there',  her hugs..

Okay, not hugs, she is very miser in that. :-P

But, she has a spark which very few people have left in them. 

Her fascination for 'Mahabharata' & 'Ramayana' in today's world, when the world is running after 'Sex & the city' and 'Desperate Housewives', is something so fresh and different from others who are trying to act 'cool'.

Yeah, she loves total strangers complementing her. ;-P
She can even pick up a fight with you for calling that stranger a 'stalker'. She is crazy. :-D
She is so sweet that, she'll make everything feasible to make you feel good, when you're feeling low. She doesn't mind walking extra miles for that smile of yours. A sweetheart !
Ok ok.. Sweet-at-heart !  Happy ??

To be continued...

:-P

Some people love eating like there is no tomorrow. I am one of them.

Some people love drinking, even after 7 shots of tequila + 2 vodka + 1 pitcher.

Some people radiate such pathetic vibes that you wish you never met them.

Some people 'act' like they are 50yrs old. Forget sense of humor, even if you crack a joke, it seems 'kiddish' to them.

Some people don't appreciate romance. Hope you never get any.

Some people appreciate only materialistic things. Hope you get only that.

Some people need all your time, and the moment you need them, they need 'spaces'.

Some people are so sweet that even when you are flirting with them, they are busy looking for someone special to hook you up with.

Some people love holding hands, even when the dance is over.

Some people still believe in 'divide-&-rule'.

Some people want their @$$es to be licked, all the time. And people keep obliging.

Some people want to get married very badly. And still, they don't change their hapless behaviour.

Some people keep smiling and laughing for you, even when they just got out of a 5yr old relationship.

Some people never stop working, even at the cost of their health. It's high time you learn 'prioritizing'.

Some people never stop working, even if they don't have work. Get a life man.

Some people love you, even if you don't love them back.

The difficulty of being nice...

No, this is not about the book 'The difficulty of being good' by Mr. Gurcharan Das.

In today's world, it is very difficult to lead a nice, decent life. 

Its difficult to make friends and even more difficult to have a good time with your friends. 

This is a random conversation with my 'best friend'....

I - Hey, Busy ? 

She - {no answer}

I - Anything wrong ?

She - {no answer}

I - Did I do or say anything wrong ?

She - I thought you are getting too emotional about me.. I am not comfortable.. Saw your status message after we met.. Happiest Day... etc.. I like space in these times.

I - {thinking WTF is wrong!}

Just because - you smile, be nice, open the door - they tend to think that you are head-over-heels over them. Forget random girls, even your best friends never miss an opportunity to misjudge you. 

It is like the whole world is dying to sleep with them. And if you are nice, you want it more than others. 

You pay it through your nose for being chivalrous. 

Bloody, pay for your part of the dinner and take off for your home.

December Rains...

It was raining that December night also. I was walking back home after an hour long salsa class. Suddenly, she calls me from behind. She was carrying an umbrella and offered a respite from the rain. Couldn't resist after she insisted a couple of times. And I am glad that I didn't turn down that offer. 

Gorgeous babe, wonderful conversation, slight drizzle, 1 umbrella, holding her next to me..... Life just couldn't get any better.

Although the walk lasted for just some minutes, the memories will certainly last forever.

Will miss you every rain, babes!  :-)

Woh...

Tum itne paas ho,
phir bhi kitne door ho,
yeh dil bhi kya khel khele,
usi ki zaroorat ho,
jo kabhi na paas ho...

Dil ki majboori tum na maano,
mann ki baat tum kya jaano,
jiski hai zaroorat is kambakht ko,
uski to shaadi ho gayi barson...

That day...

The day I held your hand,
With tears on my cheeks
and pain in my heart,
I grew strong..

Not with your loss
but with another hope
that if not live,
we can die
with a smile and the head held high...

Well...

You don't get to meet your bro everyday. You are busy with office and he is busy with his work. 

A few mins on the phone or chat, thats all. You're literally on the verge of losing it, but I guess its he, who is keeping you sane.

Your best friend leaves your company. The one person who confides in you, everything. The one you spend talking hours, during the office hours. You crib, you fight, you share. 

But, all that is gone now. No more pings, no more chats during office hours. Its gonna be so boring.

It feels that someone is sucking the life out of you. 

People go to office for different reasons. I go to meet my 2 friends - my bro and my best friend.

My bro left one month back and my best friend bade goodbye to office yesterday. 

It feels so weird. Nothing more to look forward to. No one to chat. No one for lunch. No one for coffee. 

Oh yeah,  I do have a 'friend' in office. 

Good for nothing materialistic cheapskate. Total backstabber and a stinking piece of shit.

But, that's how life goes.

Good things in life are never permanent.

Miss You...

There are days, and nights, when you miss your special one.

But then, there are days when you just miss someone, but don't know who ?

You just miss someone's presence in your life. And the damn thing is that you can't do a thing about it.

You could have done something, only if you knew, who you are missing...

May be its your girlfriend, your friend or even a book you are dying to read.

Something just doesn't feel right.

I don't know what I am talking about.. Anyways....

Fight...

Lying in front of the computer the whole day,

thinking about the future - it looks so long, dark & so scary.

It used to be so good, things were looking so positive, how can it change in just 15 mins ??

How can the sunny day turn into such a gloomy day ??

There are just two options-

1. to quit

2. to fight

Quitting is not an option as the stakes are very high.

But, how long can someone fight?

How long can someone take it?

Fucked Up

There are so many things happening all around me and all at the same time, that I'm feeling so miserable. Things which are beyond my control, yet, they affect my life in some way or the other.

My best friend, my bro, has finally decided to call it quits. We both were thinking about it for a long time and he suddenly decides to take the lead. Feel like I'm hit with a huge boulder. Feel so lonely and lost without him. He has been there through thick and thin and been my closest buddy all though the last two and half years that I've known him. Its a feeling beyond expression. You just cry deep inside that a part of you is gone now. Wont be there to share everything with you. Will miss Life doooood....

A good friend of mine has been transfered to another location. Someone with whom I've shared everything, right from bus seat to coffee. She has been a wonderful friend and a great motivator. Just the thought of not sharing the same seat again with her, makes me feel so sick, I can't explain. Getting up at 6 in the morning is really a pain but then it was always the 40-min journey with her, which made the waking-up process so easier. Life will just so difficult without you...

My love doesn't even realise the fact that I love her. What can be more WTF than this ??

She seems so ignorant of the fact that I can't explain.

Sometimes I wonder if she even loves me... But then,

   the way she cares for me,

   the way she flirts,

   the way she does those small things...

Jaane Vo Kaise Log The Jinake
Pyaar Ko Pyaar Milaa
Hamane To Jab KaliyaaN MaaNgii
KaaNtoN Kaa Haar Milaa
Jaane Vo ...

KhushiyoN Kii MaNzil DhuuNdhii To
Gam Kii Gard Milii
Chaahat Ke Nagame Chaahe To
AaNheN Sard Milii
Dil Ke Bojh Ko DhuNdhalaa Kar Gayaa Jo Gamakhaar Milaa
Hamane To Jab ...

BichhaD Gayaa... BichhaD Gayaa Har Saathii Dekar
Pal Do Pal Kaa Saath
Kisako Furasat Hai Jo Thaame Diivaano.N Kaa Haath
Hamako Apanaa Saayaa Tak Aqasar Bezaar Milaa
Hamane To Jab ...

Isako Hii Jiinaa Kahate Hai.N To
Yuu.Nhii Jii Le.Nge
Uf Na Kare.Nge Lab Sii Le.Nge
Aa.Nsuu Pii Le.Nge
Gam Se Ab Ghabaraanaa Kaisaa, Gam Sau Baar Milaa
Hamane To Jab ...

Ecstatic

Feel so happy to talk to my best friend, after almost a month of silence.

Even though we hardly spoke for some 15 mins. only, but it felt great when she called.

We cleared all our mis-understandings and yippee, we are back to that wonderful life again.

Feel so blessed.  :-)

The 1st Weekend...

After a mind-blowing start to the New Year, the momentum just carried on to an awesome weekend. A long weekend and being the kind of laid back guy that I am, I couldn't have asked for a better start to the new decade.

No work, no phone calls and no sad faces to see... ;-D

Amazing NY party that lasted till the dawn of the new year.

Tired, Hungry & Exhausted, yet Smiling, Happy & having the Feel-Good factor.

Catching up with a very special friend of mine after a very, very long time. Felt so good.

And yes, perks included. This time - gift, sweets, chocolates and her home made delicious Christmas cake!

Coffee, French fries & She, Life doesn't need anything more..

Chatting, Gossiping, Window shopping, Strolling, Shopping... It has been ages since I've done this and enjoyed so much.

Went out again the following day for some more shopping and strolling.

Signed off with a good cold coffee at a new café.

Looking forward to a year full of Fun, Energy & Excitement!

Happy New Year !

A very Happy New Year to all my friends!

I wish -

    Everyone is healthy.

    The economy grows at a exponential rate.

    Everyone gets what they deserve.

Last night was one of the best New Year parties I've witnessed.

Great music, good food, drinks, bonfire, Great company and Sweety!

You name it and we had it. ;-D

And yes, it was right in my living room.

Preparations started pretty early and they made sure nothing was missing.

All the credit goes to my roomie and his friends.

Even though I knew only half of the group, I never felt left out.

Non stop music from 9 pm - 3 am.

Continuous dancing. And I mean totally crazy.

Uninterrupted flow of food and drinks.

Boy, who needs to go to a disc to have a good time.

All you need is, a few good friends.

Thank you guys - MK, AB, N, AM, M, K, R & P.

Special thanks to Sweety for not eating me up. ;-P

Thank you for making my New Year so special. :-)