You...

I want to talk to you.. I want to see you.. I want to keep looking at you..

There are so many things going on in my head and my heart.

There are so many things I need to tell you.

You are the only one I can share my feelings with, you know that.

Things have been miserable after you went.

Well, miserable will be an understatement.

I have your number. I know where you stay.

But still, there is something pulling me back..

I wish you understand me..

I wish you come and hold my hand..

I wish you tell me "Everything will be fine"..

I just want to hug you and cry in your arms. I want to be comforted like a baby..

Is it too much that I'm asking for ???

Missing you...

I miss playing tennis with you...

I miss your never ending calls and 'so, what else?'...

I miss those serene midnight walks with you...

I miss pulling your leg...

I miss giving you gyaan on relationships...

I miss listening you sing...

I miss your fights...

I miss those dances...

I miss those late night chats understanding why men are hornier than women... ;-P

I miss those long hours talking on the phone, right from MBA deadlines to the CPM in Calcutta...

I miss your annoying SMSes and binge drinking...

I miss cooking with you...

I miss solving puzzles with you...

I miss calling you 'Mam'...

I miss teasing you...

I miss your threats to deface me...

I miss your motivating calls...

I miss those long bus rides and talking about everything, right from weekend plans to finalizing where should you get your next tattoo done...

I miss going to movies with you...

I miss meeting you...

I know, its me who is going away, but I guess, that's the only way...

The more I realize that you can't be mine, the more I want to hold on to you..

If only, things were little less complicated,

If only, we get a fraction of what we desire..

Life would have been such a beautiful ride.......

Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find
I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind
Whatever happened to our love?
I wish I understood
It used to be so nice, it used to be so good

So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me
S. O. S.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me
S. O. S.
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try how can I carry on?

You seem so far away though you are standing near
You made me feel alive, but something died I fear
I really tried to make it out
I wish I understood
What happened to our love, it used to be so good

So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me
S. O. S.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me
S. O. S.
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try how can I carry on?

So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me
S. O. S.
And the love you gave me, nothing else can save me
S. O. S.
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try how can I carry on?
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try how can I carry on?

Deepawali...

Its Deepawali'09 and here I'm sitting at home blogging. Everyone I know is celebrating, bursting crackers or partying.

Why? Why do you feel lonely even when you have so many wonderful friends??

Why do you keep your mobile switched off fearing your friends will call you??

Why do you have to feel sad when the world around you is trying their best to make you smile???

Why? Why ? Why ?

Why do you feel like keeping yourself locked in your room ??

Why don't you even feel like getting up from your bed ?

Guess, there are no answers to some questions..... That's the way life is...

Anyways, Deepawali ki Hardik Shubh kaamnaayein !

2 States

Just finished reading the book at one go. One of the best books, I've read. This is the 2nd book after 5.some1 which demanded a night-out. It just grips you and you get totally engrossed. On some level or the other, you tend to associate with the characters.

I love Indian authors and with this book Chetan has done it again. He is just amazing. This book is even better than the first one..

I am a sucker for romantic novels and this one somehow connects at a different level altogether.

Just wish that Chetan comes out with many more like this one...

Thanks Chetan for sharing this......

Love...

How do you define Love ???

That special feeling when you see you your special one ?

That special 'you' when you are with your special one ?

Or simply the wonderful conversation you have ??

I guess Love is that special bonding that you share with your special one even without feeling the need to say or do anything.

You can look at them tirelessly. Speak without any inhibitions. Its just that you want to be with that person. 3hrs with them seems like 3 mins. And 1min without them looks like eternity.

I guess love is that warm feeling when you know that the other person is there. It is difficult to explain the way your heart beats and feels for that special person.

I guess, you just need to be in love to know what love is....

Life.......

I got an opportunity to be in the midst of the most creative minds, most friendly people, friends who would never give-up on you, seniors who would be there to resolve every single doubt in your mind, a beautiful ambiance and a learning haven.
The moment I stepped in, I fell in love with the place, people, everything. It was so beautiful, so lively, so perfect.

But, I blew it all. I did some grave mistakes in my life & now is the time for the payback. Someone must have wished hard for me not to get what I want.

How badly I wish, I should have listened to my well-wishers.
How badly I wish, I could forget my past and just move on.
How badly I wish, I could be among you all.

Thousand things going on in my mind at the moment, I pray for the courage to move on, to look beyond the obvious, start afresh and have you all in my life even if we are not together.

I am and always will be grateful to Miss Kay, Sam, Neh, Aks, Martini, Ritz and Jazz.
Will miss you always. Love you all...

There are things words can't express,
Some feelings I can't show,
But, if you ever need me,
I'll be there right next to you...

Fate... IV

February 16, Monday.

Monday morning was right there gazing even before I could realise. Rushed through my rituals and went to the college for the morning class. Guess, the proffesor was also feeling the monday blues and so decided to skip the class. Now, we students have this wonderful habbit of bunking all the classes for the day if there is no class in the 1st hour Actually, being enginners, we know the maths of optimization. ;-)
Now, being a free day, we walked our ways to the Coffee House (our very own Central Perk). Ordered for breakfast and started apna adda over a cup of coffee. The best part is that no one here asks you to leave even if your drink is over long back and you are just catching up with friends.

After a healthy discussion on how to postpone the upcoming exams, we left for our home. I was thinking of asking Puja about her plans, when it struck me that I don't have her number. Life has its own wierd sense of humour. The last couple of days were pretty exciting, to say the least. We were having so much fun that we actually forgot to exchange our numbers. I guess you ask for a girl's number even before you ask her name. And here I am, with 1 coffee & 1 full day-out, searching my phone like an idiot.
I was thinking whether to go to her place or her college or the cafe outside campus. 'No, I can't go to her place and ask her mom. Going to her college also doesn't sound too impressive. Okay, I guess cafe is the last resort'. So, I went to the cafe hoping to catch her glimpse but as my luck turned out to be, there was no sign of her.

I walked back home with a heavy heart but a hope in some corner of my heart to see her again...

Fate... III

February 15, Sunday.

Got up late, as usual. Shaved, Showered, Dressed in 10 mins flat. My personal best. :-D Reached her place in time. She was dressed in a white embroidered salwar kameez. I just couldn't take my eyes off her for the next few mins. She was looking simply gorgeous. She sat next to me and then we drove off to the theatre. There wasnt much traffic, it being a sunday. Reaching the place early and being hungry, since birth, I grabbed a sandwich and sat on the corner table of the cafe. God, was she looking beautiful. :-)
The movie was good and by the time it got over, it was already time for lunch. We went to a nearby restaurant and ordered. Discussing about the movie, we realised we have the same kind of taste as far as bollywood is concerned. Both like no drama, no rona-dhona types. My love for the english psycho and horror movies definitely turned out to be a shocker for her. Finished lunch and then we went for a walk on the broadway.
She wanted to shop so we went to the 'Famous' MG Rd. (Famous because whole Cochin is here on any given day...) Some 4 hrs later & after going through all the dresses available in Cochin and buying a handful, mam finally decides to call it a day. It was getting dark and we were hungry after the excursion.
So, Dinner Time !!! :-D
Everyone is destined to do something. For me, to eat !!!

It was a wonderful evening. The moon at its best. We walked down to a new restaurant overlooking the backwaters. We took a seat outside in the open.
It was the most romantic dinner. Full moon night, candle-lit table in midst of the soothing breeze from the sea and the most beautiful person. I couldnt have asked for anything more. And the food was perfect. We just chatted and chatted and chatted. We did eat also, in case you are curious. :-P
Finally, we had to leave when it got pitch-dark. It was almost 10 and her parents were starting to get furious. We drove back listening to slow romantic numbers, windows rolled down.
Who needs a drink to get a high ?!?

Fate... II

February 14, Saturday.

Another Valentine's Day with same old fate, I thought. It was a sunny morning with clear blue sky. Got up from the bed and checked my mails. Nothing new. Spent the morning and afternoon working on the project.
The evening looked blissful with the sun setting in an orange sky. Felt like going out and grabbing some coffee. We had this wonderful cafe, just a few mins. walk from the campus. It had an amazing ambience with the right kind of music. Rates were a bit on the higher side, but given the crowd and ambience, it was definitely worth. I used to go there whenever I had an urge for coffee, which was more often than going to college.
That evening was no different. I ordered my favourite Coffee Float and took the corner seat, which was kind of reserved for me. It was a secluded place which used to give me a proper view of the cafe. I was sipping my coffee when someone called out my name.
"Can I sit here ?", Puja asked.
How can one refuse such a sweet girl.
"So, no girlfriends..eh ??"
"No, you don't seem to have a boyfriend either." And both burst out laughing.
"How come I've never seen you here ?"
"I've been here just a few times. Was feeling bored today, so came out. Hey, what are you doing tomorrow ?"
"Not much, tell me"
"Movies ? And then lunch ? My treat. What say ?"
"Sounds great."
"Good. Pick me up at 9.30 ?"
"Sure." :-)
...

Not a cliche valentine's, though, one of the best, I thought.

Fate... I

February 13, Friday.
8:00 PM

It was dark and lonely. I was taking a stroll along the university road. Not a single soul was to be seen around. It wasn't the same everyday. "May be people were too busy partying or planning for tomorrow",I thought. I generally go for these strange strolls when I feel low or when I miss someone. Neither was the case today. I was happy, on the contrary, after winning the cricket tournament. I was in my own dreams, in my own world.
Suddenly, I hear a whisper in my ears.
"Can you please walk with me to the kerb ?", said a sweet little voice. I turned around to find a beautiful cute girl, almost on the verge of tears.
"Sure, Whats wrong ?".
She held my hand as tight as she could manage and we started walking at a brisk pace.
"Its like I was coming from my friend's place and suddenly I saw two guys following me and making lewd comments. I was so terrified. I didn't know what to do. I forgot my cell at home and it is so deserted out here.", said she.
I felt the fear in her voice. We turned back to see if those guys were still following us. Seeing no signs of them, we slowed down our pace.
"So, what are you studying ?", I asked.
"Oh, I am a 2nd yr Med student. And you ?"
"3rd yr Engg.."
...

We finally reached her house.
"You can't imagine how thankful I am to you. I owe you a treat big time. Puja, by the way", and she offered her hand. "Rohan. You're welcome."
We bade good-byes and I started tracing back my footsteps to my place.

She...

Curly hair, glittering eyes and a contagious smile. Thats her.

Even though it has been more than 12 years and numerous interactions but the 1st time we met, still holds a special feeling in my heart.

Her smile, her voice, her eyes... literally everything she used to do, was so cute in its own sense, that it is beyond words to explain.

I can still recall every encounter so vividly as if it was only yesterday. It was love at first sight for 'me' even though I hardly knew what Love was !!! It was so wonderful, so out-of-the-world experience. The world seemed to be full of exuberance and energy, only to turn its back on me...

Nostalgia…

I still remember the day when I first stepped into the college as a freshman... The day I first attended the class... The day the seniors got hold of me... The day I first attended my “personality development program”... The day when I met my first friend... The day I was first questioned for not being attentive in the class… The day I first jumped over the college wall... The day I first bunked my class… The day I had the first cup of coffee from the college canteen… The day I got scolding from the professor for not doing my assignment... The day I scored the highest in an internal exam for the first (& also the last) time… The day I got the smile and look from the one I loved… The days I spent dreaming about my love… The day I sat in the exam hall without knowing a single word of what to write... The day when I got my first results…

The day I suddenly became a sophomore… The day when I got a great gang of friends… The day I first attended the labs… The day I was thrown out of the class…The days we had fun with the professors… The days we first worked for Inspire… The nights we spent putting up posters publicizing Inspire… The day I was caught sleeping in the class … The day I got birthday bumps for the 1st time… The day we fought with the teachers for marks… The day we bid farewell to our most respected and loved teacher… The days we spent chatting and chatting… The day I heard that the one I loved, was getting engaged to someone else… The sleepless nights I spent thinking about my fate… The nights I spent crying over someone whom I had lost forever…

The day I attended my 1st class as a junior… The days we spent sleeping and the nights chatting… The days we ruled the last benches… The day we learnt that being on the other side of the class (read, being a teacher) was really tough… The day I started enjoying lectures for the 1st time… The day I started admiring our faculty for the sole reason of their sheer dedication and knowledge… The days we became really close to our professors… The day we celebrated our professor’s birthday in the class with so much fanfare and joy… The day when one of our faculty took her last class with us… The days we bunked classes stating some reason and the teacher simply gave a smile… The nights I spent coding for the minor project… The day I got a job…

And here I am now… Finally a senior… Just one more semester to go… Or rather, just one more semester of fun and enjoyment… Soon I will be enjoying my last Inspire… Soon I will be playing my last match in the college… Soon I will be taking my last photographs with friends… Soon I will be missing all my loving teachers… Soon I will be filling friends’ slam books… Soon I will be appearing for my last exams… Soon I will be walking down the corridors of the college for the very last time…

Just the thought of all these, bring tears to my eyes… Soon everything is going to be over… It seems just like yesterday, that I joined the college… Everything seems to be moving at lightning speed now… No matter what I say or do, I can never really return the favors I got from my teachers, friends and everyone who has touched my heart…

These really are the best dayz of my life…